I had an epiphany hanging out with some friends a couple weekends ago. That is, we build an image in our heads of who we “want” to be in order to be accepted in society, when, in reality, hardly anyone wants us to be that person.
As I mentioned in my post last week on vulnerability, I’ve become obsessed with the topic. This article has been going around lately. It claims that if two strangers were to go through all of these questions/tasks together they will fall in love. While I find it a little scary to fall in love with a stranger, I did find some of the questions to be beneficial in building relationships. It states: “the idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness,” and I think that’s true.
My friends took time to write down some of the questions (and make up some of their own) while leaving out the “mushy” ones so we wouldn’t fall in love with each other. 🙂 We folded the pieces of paper and placed them in a bowl with all of us answering each question, one by one.
Some of the questions were:
“In what way would you like to be famous?” and “What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?”
Then we got into some relational questions like:
“What is your biggest turn on of another person?” and “What traits do you seek in a significant other?”
It was fun hearing each person’s answer, but I realized something. All of us have different answers. We are all different in what we look for in someone as a husband, wife, friend, etc.
While that may not sound like a surprise to some of you, I applied that to our society and culture. We all strive to be the person everyone will “like,” but no one likes the same thing! Guys wants to be the one girls notice when they walk into a room, but not all girls look for the same physical and emotional traits, and vice versa. In fact, some of these traits are what we don’t even consider.
For example, one of my friends said her biggest physical turn on for a guy is his forearms…. Really?! Guys spend wayyyyy more time at the gym working on their biceps and abs trying to impress you girls when you don’t even think it’s a big deal! And it’s not just physical features. We try to get attention by being funny while most people pick up on honesty and confidence.
My point is, 1. Our culture pushes us to be the “perfect” (and impossible) image of a person that we design in our heads when 2. None of us are even looking for it!
We waste too much time and effort stressing over the goal to impress people. We “need” fancy clothes, a new hairstyle, bigger muscles, to be funny, the list can go on and on. Sure, people notice that stuff but that isn’t what brings couples together, or even friends together. Being YOU is what builds relationships. You won’t impress everyone, but you wouldn’t impress everyone trying to be that “perfect” person anyway. Being you WILL attract the ones who want you to be you. Isn’t that what everyone wants anyway? To be ourselves?